105 Funny Money Jokes (Cash Comedy!) 2024
Why don’t comedians ever get bored of telling money jokes?
Because they know a good cash joke never loses interest!
Whether you’re rolling in riches or counting pennies, money jokes offer a lighthearted take on the financial ups and downs we all experience. Dive into these witty money jokes, clever one-liners, and quotes that prove a good laugh is worth its weight in gold.
5. Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?
6. Where did the frog put his money?
7. Why do people say that if we want to get rich, we should keep our mouths shut?
8. Why did the robbers take a bath before they were going to steal from the bank?
9. Why did everyone warn the man when he said he wanted to invest all his money into a whipped cream factory?
10. How much money did the skunk have?
11. Where will you always find money?
12. Why did the football coach yell at the broken vending machine?
13. What kind of car does a sushi chef who makes a huge amount of money drive?
14. Why can’t the dog lawyers make much money?
15. Why don’t the bees ever want to spend any money?
16. What would you call it if a bunch of crows started gathering money?
17. What did the flutist do when she found out that she was not making as much money as the cellist was making?
18. What did one penny say to the other penny?
19. If money really did grow on trees, what would be everyone’s favorite season?
20. How can you be sure you have counterfeit money?
21. What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a millionaire?
22. Why is money called dough?
23. What did the duck say after he went shopping?
24. Why did the student eat his dollar bill?
25. What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
Related: Hilarious Money Memes
Finance Jokes & Money Riddles
26. What is brown and has a head and a tail, but no legs?
Answer: A penny!
27. What would you call it if you invested a huge amount of money into a corn farm?
Answer: A major stalk investment.
28. Why didn’t the man report it to the police when his credit card got stolen?
Answer: The thief was actually spending less!
29. What would you call it if you lent some money to a bison?
Answer: A Buff-a-loan
30. Why didn’t the cows have any money?
Answer: The farmers milked them dry.
31. How is the dollar like the moon?
Answer: They both have four quarters.
32. Why did the man get caught just for accidentally dropping some money inside his washing machine?
Answer: The police thought that he was laundering money.
33. What would you say if you became exhausted filling out forms and calculating the amount of money you had to pay to your country?
Answer: A taxing day.
34. Why should you invest all your money in yeast?
Answer: It has the ability to make your dough rise.
35. What would you call a vampire who is into finance?
Answer: Account Dracula
36. Why did the accountant fall out of bed?
Answer: He lost his balance sheet.
37. How did the pirate get such a good price on his ship?
Answer: It was on sail.
38. Did you hear about the guy who made a lot of money investing in apples?
Answer: He was in cider trading.
39. Why did the dollar go on vacation?
Answer: For a change of scenery.
40. Why did the dollar bill need a nap?
Answer: It was feeling a little spent.
41. What’s a coin’s favorite type of music?
Answer: Heavy metal
42. How do cows pay for things?
Answer: With moo-la!
43. Why did the credit card go to jail?
Answer: It swiped too many times!
44. Why did the banker quit his job?
Answer: He lost interest!
45. What’s a poodle’s favorite way to pay for things?
Answer: With a paw-pal account.
46. Why did the credit card flee the country?
Answer: To get away from all the charges.
47. What do you call an ant who is great with money?
Answer: An account-ant!
48. How does a bear deposit its money?
Answer: With direct de-paws-it.
49. Where does a snowman keep his money?
Answer: In a snowbank.
50. Why did the ghost get evicted from the graveyard?
Answer: He was dead broke.
51. Where do vampires keep their money?
Answer: At the blood bank.
52. Why did the Irish investor always have so much money?
Answer: His money was always Dublin.
53. What does the IRS stand for?
Answer: TheIRS
54. How did the scarecrow get a raise?
Answer: By standing out in his field.
55. Why don’t Leprechauns ever have enough money?
Answer: They are always a bit short.
56. What has a hundred heads and a hundred tails?
Answer: A hundred pennies.
57. What’s the difference between a $20 steak and a $50 steak?
Answer: February 14th
58. What do you call it when a couple has to borrow money to pay for their wedding?
Answer: A credit union
59. Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Cash?
Cash who?
No thanks, but I’ll take a peanut.
60. Why did the lobster refuse to make a donation?
Answer: He was too shellfish.
61. Why did the bank teller get fired?
Answer: A customer asked if they could check their balance and the teller pushed them over.
62. Why did the dollar go to therapy?
Answer: It had too many issues with change!
63. Why do banks have drive-throughs?
Answer: So the car can meet the owner!
Related: Teach Your Kids To Budget
Funny Money One Liners
64. My employer told me to sign up for the 401(k), but there’s no way I could run that far.
65. The look in my spouse’s eyes when they left for Target makes me think they’re going to try and save the economy in one trip.
66. If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
67. Did you hear about an ATM that got addicted to money? Heard it was suffering from withdrawals.
68. Uber lost over a billion dollars in the last six months so they’re asking their drivers to check between the seat cushions.
69. A girl asks her mother “How old are you?” Her mother replied, “Older than most mortgages.”
70. I need a new bank account. This one has run out of money.
71. Money talks… but all mine ever says is goodbye.
72. Money isn’t everything, but it definitely keeps you in touch with your children.
73. A couple got married at a credit union but no one showed up. Low interest.
74. Nothing says ‘I love my dog’ quite like spending more money on his haircut than you do your own.
75. Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.
76. I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work.
77. Borrow money from pessimists, they don’t expect it back.
78. I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend. So I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.
79. I don’t mean to brag but I’m helping a Nigerian Prince with a pretty serious financial matter. I can’t really talk about it.
80. A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything was last year.
81. My daughter wants to be really scary this Halloween so instead of a costume, she is going to carry a school fundraising packet to every door.
82. I let my kids follow their dreams. Unless I already paid the registration fee for their last dream, and then they follow that for 6-8 more weeks.
83. Up until I bought this bag of chips I thought the air was free.
84. Personal financing is very… INTERESTing.
85. If you are truly serious about preparing your child for the future, don’t teach him to subtract—teach him to deduct.
86. If time is money are ATM’s time machines?
87. I remember being in so much debt that I couldn’t afford my electricity bills. It was a dark time.
88. College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you or they’ll send your kid back.
Related:
Funny Money Quotes
89. “Money, if it does not bring you happiness, will at least help you be miserable in comfort.” – Helen Gurley Brown
90. “Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? … No Pockets.” – Jerry Seinfeld
91. “People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage.” – Doug Larson
92. “Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don’t have for something they don’t need.” – Will Rogers
93. “All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” – Spike Milligan
94. “Acquaintance – a person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.” – Ambrose Bierce
95. “My dad is so cheap that when he dies, he’s going to walk toward the light and turn it off.” — Comedian Matin Atrushi
96. “The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.” – Bill Murray
97. The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money. – IRS auditor
98. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
99. “There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one.” – Jack Yelton
100. “There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage” — James Holt McGavran
101. “A rich man isn’t afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper.” – Jack Benny.
102. “A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.” – Franklin Jones.
103. A simple fact that is hard to learn is that the time to save money is when you have some.” – Joe Moore.
104. “Avoiding the dumb things is the most important. Learn more, know limitations, avoid the dumb things.” – Warren Buffett
105. “I’ve done the calculation, and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.” – Fran Lebowitz
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What’s Next?
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